Jokes

Post any nhl related jokes you made up or have seen somewhere.

Ill go First

In court the other day there was a case regarding the custody of a small child.

The judge asked the boy, "do you want to live with your mother?"

He replied, "No I don't want to live with her because she beats me!".

The judge then asked, "Do you want to live with your father?"

The boy stated, "No he beats me too."

Finally the judge asked, "where do you want to live?"

The child responded, "I want to live with the New York Rangers!".

The judge asked, "Why do you want to live with the New York Rangers?"

The boy exclaimed, "Because they don't beat anybody!"

Post any nhl related jokes you made up or have seen somewhere.

Ill go First

In court the other day there was a case regarding the custody of a small child.

The judge asked the boy, "do you want to live with your mother?"

He replied, "No I don't want to live with her because she beats me!".

The judge then asked, "Do you want to live with your father?"

The boy stated, "No he beats me too."

Finally the judge asked, "where do you want to live?"

The child responded, "I want to live with the New York Rangers!".

The judge asked, "Why do you want to live with the New York Rangers?"

The boy exclaimed, "Because they don't beat anybody!"

I heard that one before, except the team was the Cornell football team. Sadly, I was in complete agreement, they are awful.

I heard that one before, except the team was the Cornell football team. Sadly, I was in complete agreement, they are awful.

lol thats definetly on the money.They are pretty bad

New York Rangers

women's sports.

New York Rangers

:laugh:

My life

New York Rangers

:laugh:

Henrik and Sean are playing yahtzee, Henrik gets bored and tells Sean they should play hide and seek and if Sean finds where he is hiding he will give him oral treats.

"What if you don't find you" Sean asks.

"I'll be behind the piano"

lol thats definetly on the money.They are pretty bad

Yeah, they are. Some cool people on it though. Nate Ford is/was a champ.

Henrik and Sean are playing yahtzee, Henrik gets bored and tells Sean they should play hide and seek and if Sean finds where he is hiding he will give him oral treats.

"What if you don't find you" Sean asks.

"I'll be behind the piano"

Oh jeebus! :laugh:

oooh. I like jokes.

Henrik and Sean are playing yahtzee, Henrik gets bored and tells Sean they should play hide and seek and if Sean finds where he is hiding he will give him oral treats.

"What if you don't find you" Sean asks.

"I'll be behind the piano"

:biglaugh::biglaugh::biglaugh:

Farah fawcett dies. She goes to heaven and god grants her one wish. She wishes the children of the world to be safe.... Three hours later michael jackson dies.


R.I.P

Farah fawcett dies. She goes to heaven and god grants her one wish. She wishes the children of the world to be safe.... Three hours later michael jackson dies.


R.I.P

oh...my...God...you win life.

haha thats messed up

What do the Rangers and the Titanic have in common?

They both look good before they hit the ice.

first post and he comes out swinging!

This is a joke that can be used for any team/player so feel free to mad lib it. The way I heard it a few years ago was:
----

So after another early playoff exit, the Leafs decide to have a team party over at Nik Antropov's house. After a few hours, they run out of beer and they're all too drunk to drive so they tell Nik to call Pat Quinn and ask him to bring them beer.

Nik calls, and Pat agrees. On his way from the beer store to Antropov's house, he stops at a red light. A car full of leaf fans pull up next to him and notice all the beer in the back of the car. They ask him: "Hey Pat, what's with all the beer?"

Pat replies: "I got it for Nik Antropov"

The leaf fans respond: "Good trade!"

not NHL but tough.

Representatives from Michael Jackson's estate have issued a statement informing the public that one of Michael's last wishes was to have his legacy carried on after he is gone, so to that end his doctors are getting ready for another procedure. Since he was primarily made of plastic at this point anyhow, his remains will be slowly melted down and formed into a set of Lego's so that young boys will be able to continue and play with him for years to come.

I cant believe my jewish joke got deleted, the punch line wasn't even racist.

A-boo

I have seen some BRUTAL Michael Jackson jokes on the Broncos board I go too.

They would get deleted in a split second here.

since this doesn't seem to be staying within the "nhl-related" theme......
Michael Jackson's remains will not be buried, or cremated, but instead recycled into plastic shopping bags. This allows him to still be 1) plastic; 2) white, and 3) dangerous for children to play with.

Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. The Judge says to Mickey I can't grant you the divorce on the grands that Minnie is insane. She seems to be perfectly normal and sane.

Mickey says " I didn't say she was insane I said she was Fu!cking Goofy"

There once was a man who could talk to God.

The man said, "God, how much is a million years to you?" God replied, "A second."

And then the man said, "God, how much is a million dollars to you?" God replied, "A penny."

And then the man said, "God...can I please have a penny?"

God looks at the man & says, "Sure...just a second."

I just heard on the radio that, being mostly plastic, Michael Jackson will be melted down and formed into Lego blocks.

Now children will be able to play with him for a change.

There once was a man who could talk to God.

The man said, "God, how much is a million years to you?" God replied, "A second."

And then the man said, "God, how much is a million dollars to you?" God replied, "A penny."

And then the man said, "God...can I please have a penny?"

God looks at the man & says, "Sure...just a second."

I just heard on the radio that, being mostly plastic, Michael Jackson will be melted down and formed into Lego blocks.

Now children will be able to play with him for a change.

http://www.danielbradfordkelly.com/media/images/burkepissed.gif

Marc Staal will hit 20pts some day..

not NHL but tough.

Representatives from Michael Jackson's estate have issued a statement informing the public that one of Michael's last wishes was to have his legacy carried on after he is gone, so to that end his doctors are getting ready for another procedure. Since he was primarily made of plastic at this point anyhow, his remains will be slowly melted down and formed into a set of Lego's so that young boys will be able to continue and play with him for years to come.

I just heard on the radio that, being mostly plastic, Michael Jackson will be melted down and formed into Lego blocks.

Now children will be able to play with him for a change.

Sometimes it's not the joke itself, it's the art of the tell...

Several years ago while the US mint was releasing quarters that represent every state in the union I was with a friend at a soda machine.
After he put a dollar in the machine he got a quarter in change, I noticed it was a Michigan quarter and stated that I needed it for my collection, to which he replied.

"nothing but hockey players and whores in Michigan"

I replied "Hey, my wife's from Michigan !"

He said "Oh really ? what team did she play for"

Jesus is up on the cross waiting to die so he can join his father in the Kingdom of Heaven. Joseph his disciple is kneeling before him praying. Jesus in a soft loving voice tells Joseph to come closer he has something to tell him.

So Joseph gets off his knees to get close to Jesus so he can hear what he has to say but before he can get there a Roman Centurion appears and lops off one of Joseph's arms with a sword. Joseph falls to the ground writhing in pain.

Jesus calmly says "Joseph come here"

So Joseph thinking it must be really important once again climbs up to Jesus's face and once again the roman interrupts and chops off one of Josephs legs.

Again Jesus commands "Joseph Come Here"

Joseph summons what strength he has left to get onto his one leg and pulls himself up to Jesus's face with one arm. This time there is no Roman to get into the way of the profound message Jesus has for Joseph so he gets real close and Jesus whispers

" I can see your house from here"

since Michael Jackson and Fara Faucet are dead, we'll throw in Billy Mays ABSOLUTELY FREE

since Michael Jackson and Fara Faucet are dead, we'll throw in Billy Mays ABSOLUTELY FREE

Too soon? Naaa

Too soon? Naaa

Not too soon - they were all freaks of their own flavor.

Do you like fishsticks?

Billy Mays, "Death of a Salesman", etc...

I can't wait until you guys die so I can make jokes at your expense:p:

Do you like fishsticks?

yeah i like fishsticks....

Hugh Jessiman (born March 28, 1984, in New York City, New York) is a professional ice hockey right winger currently playing for the Milwaukee Admirals of the AHL.

Jessiman was drafted in the first round, 12th overall, by the New York Rangers in the 2003 NHL Entry Draft. He is currently the only first round pick from 2003 to not play in an NHL game.

On October 30, 2008, Jessiman was traded to the Nashville Predators in exchange for future considerations.[1]

Jessiman grew up in Darien, Connecticut, attending Brunswick School in Greenwich, and has been a life long fan of the Rangers.

http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/06SHb8sbOE7gy/610x.jpg ZACH PARISE ZACH PARISE ZACH PARISE!!!

http://nbcsportsmedia2.msnbc.com/j/NBCSports/Sections/NHL%20on%20NBC/Photos/milbury-headshot.hmedium.jpg

They say celebrity deaths come in threes.

Leave it to Billy Mays to throw one in for free.

Scott Gomez to MTL for Higgins :P

Scott Gomez to MTL for Higgins :P

I knew it was only a matter of time before that one found its way in here...

Bob Gainey.

Rumor going around that Michael died of food poisioning and not of a heart attack


They apparently found a 9 year old weiner down his throat.