Unthinkable
12-28-2003, 11:16 AM
http://www.app.com/app/story/0,21625,877680,00.html
Just don't overlook our losers of the year, Rodriguez and Boras, for imprisoning themselves inside their own absurd ambitions. When the 2000 Subway Series was complete, shortstop and agent went on a door-to-door search for the one fool who would double Kevin Garnett's record-setting $126 million deal. As it turned out, the fool was the reflection in each man's bathroom glass.
A-Rod hasn't even honored one-third of his 10-year commitment and already he's desperate to give up millions in guaranteed wages in exchange for sweet liberation. Which begs the question: If Rodriguez cared more about contending than cashing in, why in the world did he leave a great thing in Seattle for an October-challenged franchise and a state that cares more about its Friday night football games in the high school lights than it does the AL West?
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Here are some other notable losers from the sports year 2003:
KOBE BRYANT: No, he can't qualify as Loser No. 1 while holding fast to a presumption of innocence. But regardless of the outcome of his **** case, Bryant is done as the bilingual boy next door. He can no longer be packaged and sold as everybody's all-American, a label once stitched to him as easily as a Nike swoosh.
MATT MILLEN: A homophobic remark, a refusal to seriously interview a black candidate for the head coaching job of the Detroit Lions and another lousy season on the field should finally put away this front-office lightweight. Millen is the dazed and confused face of every ex-jock handed a decision-making job he's woefully under-qualified for.
JOE NAMATH: Once made a big splash at Jets camp by ripping Keyshawn Johnson for ripping Wayne Chrebet in his book, only to embarrass himself and the Jets in a way even Johnson couldn't match. During a live interview, Namath twice told ESPN's Suzy Kolber that he wanted to kiss her. Two incomplete passes for one of the most over-rated quarterbacks of all time.
KEYSHAWN JOHNSON: The deactivated diva should be the league's best receiver for all the fuss he makes. Instead, Keyshawn has morphed -- ironically enough -- into another Chrebet: a glorified role player.
HOOTIE JOHNSON: Ran one of history's most entertaining press conferences when announcing that a female member would hit from the red tees at Augusta National over his lifeless body. If Hootie lorded over a successful commercial-free Masters and kept the he-man woman haters club intact, he also breathed new life into Old South stereotypes. Hootie won't be getting any mulligan for that.
MARTHA BURK: Sat on the right side of a moral issue, but sabotaged her own cause with a punctuating rally at the Masters that turned into a freak show to end all freak shows. Elvis impersonators, excommunicated Ku Klux Klansmen and cross-dressing clowns dancing under black umbrellas and quoting Nazi war criminals marked Martha's big show, which was covered by five reporters for every legitimate protester who rode in on Burk's bus.
VIJAY SINGH: Railed against Annika Sorenstam's invitation to the Colonial and reminded everyone -- just like Rasheed Wallace did -- that those who don't usually cooperate with the media are better off making no exceptions.
BOBBY KNIGHT: Proved again that his cons far outweigh his pros in a profane and classless rant.
LATRELL SPREWELL: Ditto.
STEVE SPURRIER: The ball coach who was forever willing to dump a Gatorade bucket on himself at Florida has been a bigger joke in Washington than Rick Pitino ever was in Boston. Spurrier should realize his SEC act will never play in the NFC East, and take the Pitino path back to campus.
JASON KIDD: Never met a coach-killing ploy he didn't like. Kidd apparently won't rest until Byron Scott's scalp graces his living-room mantle, right next to Lou Campanelli's and Scott Skiles'. If Kidd appreciates the Nets for reviving his career in the wake of his domestic assault on his wife, the plotting playmaker has the funniest way of showing it.
SCOTT LAYDEN: Finally and mercifully fired as Knicks president, Layden had been regarded in Utah as one of the league's coolest hands. He forever diminished his reputation by leaving Isiah Thomas a salary-cap hole even David Blaine couldn't negotiate.
HOME RUN HEROES: The clear evidence of a significant steroid problem in baseball (not to mention Sammy Sosa's corked bat) will force every slugger with comic-book muscles to swat under a perpetual cloud of suspicion.
COLLEGE COACHES: For behaving like the frat boys they're supposed to be turning into responsible, mature adults.
TENNIS: For losing Pete Sampras.
HUMANITY: For losing Bob Hope.
Just don't overlook our losers of the year, Rodriguez and Boras, for imprisoning themselves inside their own absurd ambitions. When the 2000 Subway Series was complete, shortstop and agent went on a door-to-door search for the one fool who would double Kevin Garnett's record-setting $126 million deal. As it turned out, the fool was the reflection in each man's bathroom glass.
A-Rod hasn't even honored one-third of his 10-year commitment and already he's desperate to give up millions in guaranteed wages in exchange for sweet liberation. Which begs the question: If Rodriguez cared more about contending than cashing in, why in the world did he leave a great thing in Seattle for an October-challenged franchise and a state that cares more about its Friday night football games in the high school lights than it does the AL West?
.
.
.
Here are some other notable losers from the sports year 2003:
KOBE BRYANT: No, he can't qualify as Loser No. 1 while holding fast to a presumption of innocence. But regardless of the outcome of his **** case, Bryant is done as the bilingual boy next door. He can no longer be packaged and sold as everybody's all-American, a label once stitched to him as easily as a Nike swoosh.
MATT MILLEN: A homophobic remark, a refusal to seriously interview a black candidate for the head coaching job of the Detroit Lions and another lousy season on the field should finally put away this front-office lightweight. Millen is the dazed and confused face of every ex-jock handed a decision-making job he's woefully under-qualified for.
JOE NAMATH: Once made a big splash at Jets camp by ripping Keyshawn Johnson for ripping Wayne Chrebet in his book, only to embarrass himself and the Jets in a way even Johnson couldn't match. During a live interview, Namath twice told ESPN's Suzy Kolber that he wanted to kiss her. Two incomplete passes for one of the most over-rated quarterbacks of all time.
KEYSHAWN JOHNSON: The deactivated diva should be the league's best receiver for all the fuss he makes. Instead, Keyshawn has morphed -- ironically enough -- into another Chrebet: a glorified role player.
HOOTIE JOHNSON: Ran one of history's most entertaining press conferences when announcing that a female member would hit from the red tees at Augusta National over his lifeless body. If Hootie lorded over a successful commercial-free Masters and kept the he-man woman haters club intact, he also breathed new life into Old South stereotypes. Hootie won't be getting any mulligan for that.
MARTHA BURK: Sat on the right side of a moral issue, but sabotaged her own cause with a punctuating rally at the Masters that turned into a freak show to end all freak shows. Elvis impersonators, excommunicated Ku Klux Klansmen and cross-dressing clowns dancing under black umbrellas and quoting Nazi war criminals marked Martha's big show, which was covered by five reporters for every legitimate protester who rode in on Burk's bus.
VIJAY SINGH: Railed against Annika Sorenstam's invitation to the Colonial and reminded everyone -- just like Rasheed Wallace did -- that those who don't usually cooperate with the media are better off making no exceptions.
BOBBY KNIGHT: Proved again that his cons far outweigh his pros in a profane and classless rant.
LATRELL SPREWELL: Ditto.
STEVE SPURRIER: The ball coach who was forever willing to dump a Gatorade bucket on himself at Florida has been a bigger joke in Washington than Rick Pitino ever was in Boston. Spurrier should realize his SEC act will never play in the NFC East, and take the Pitino path back to campus.
JASON KIDD: Never met a coach-killing ploy he didn't like. Kidd apparently won't rest until Byron Scott's scalp graces his living-room mantle, right next to Lou Campanelli's and Scott Skiles'. If Kidd appreciates the Nets for reviving his career in the wake of his domestic assault on his wife, the plotting playmaker has the funniest way of showing it.
SCOTT LAYDEN: Finally and mercifully fired as Knicks president, Layden had been regarded in Utah as one of the league's coolest hands. He forever diminished his reputation by leaving Isiah Thomas a salary-cap hole even David Blaine couldn't negotiate.
HOME RUN HEROES: The clear evidence of a significant steroid problem in baseball (not to mention Sammy Sosa's corked bat) will force every slugger with comic-book muscles to swat under a perpetual cloud of suspicion.
COLLEGE COACHES: For behaving like the frat boys they're supposed to be turning into responsible, mature adults.
TENNIS: For losing Pete Sampras.
HUMANITY: For losing Bob Hope.